Yes, Madame,
"I can annoy you, you know, I have the right!"
Why do you think so? I have my boundaries, you cannot invade....you need permission,
"And what if I do..?"
Okay. Then I will have to allow, 'cause when I'm with you, I have to make boundaries for people not to be the invaders and so I can love you more and more...
"So...what type of couple are we? The crazy things, the sadist ones, the weekly coffee date ones, the fight-fight ones, or the cringy-cliche ones?"
Umm...let me think...we can be all...like it's not bad to be all and I would instead love to explore all your versions, be it cliche, be it cringe, be it sad, I want to be there. The one with you..who has been through your every crazy version.
"I look hotter when I'm crazy"
You sure do, always. But guess what kind of couples are the happiest?
"What?"
Arreh, guess nah....
The Twenty Rupees
He passed on a wrinkled note of twenty rupees to the Chai Wala. that's where...
That's where our hands slid, I noticed his long fingers were holding a set of cigarettes and I was taking my "malai cha" from the same shelf, he happened to ignore me then. What amazed me was the twenty rupees, we both spent our twenties on what we loved from chai wala and that's what kept me visiting there for weeks until one day...
One day he turned back with the same cigarette between his long fingers and started staring at me, I was nervous and he knew it. He tossed a fresh change of twenty from his pocket and smiled, ordering one "malai cha." I had yet to order but he replied "aapke liye",
I looked back, and everyone at the counter was staring at me, in the meanwhile he walked towards me and assured me with "Logon ka kaam hai dekhna,"
I smiled, He blinked at me slowly and expressed
"Par aapki iss haseenta ko nahi dekh pana bhi ek ishara hain,
Ya fir kaahu sirf mera isko dekh pana ek paigaam hai"
I sipped my tea all along and asked him if I can pay him back, but what happened next was ..damn...
He obviously said "no" (I thought he liked me), and started with the dialogue again, but this time it felt different when he said "It's just a twenty, I owe you this money so that I can see you again one day when I will feel that I cannot/might not see you again. I know it gonna come back to me but this twenty will buy me some time to devote myself to you." This made me feel like, yes, this guy wants to see me again, he wants to like me and make me like him a bit more, a bit more and a bit more that I could have shared my "malai cha's malai" to him
Yeah, that was him, the man I love,
His cliches are never-ending and as beautiful as the world is.
To Sleep With You
The door opened cracked and his face peeked inside my room. I was reading my novel until he kept glaring at me, my eyebrows wrinkled and my head moved in the direction of the door. He called me softly and whispered as if someone would hear him. His eyes were expecting something, I could tell. I asked him" What?"
He bit his lower lip from one side and expressed "Can we sleep together tonight? You can fall asleep while I talk to you?" I was shy! He noticed my blushing eyes and corrected himself "Just cuddles? I missed you." I was not expecting that! (I just love being wrapped around his big arms while his fingers run down my hair strands and watching him sleep beside me, hearing his beating and his breath changing and then kissing in the early morning, yes intimacy...I don't need much from him that's it. He knows now).
I nodded saying "Tum theek ho na?" cause I was worried as he mentioned 'tonight', this was not like every night, He deals with his battles every night alone and so do I. Being in love, you know that. You can feel their distress, their sickness, and yes their care too. Today seemed different but comforting. We adjusted our pillows and kept glaring at the night bulb, he adjusted his arms below my head and I kept listening to his heartbeat ( for heavens, that's one of the world's best feelings to me, that he cares and loves me while I'm asleep in his arms).
He settled his voice and asked, "Do you want to travel somewhere quiet, this weekend, just you and I?" I said yes. After a few minutes, he turned his face and pulled up my chin with his long fingers towards his lips and whispered looking down "you do know that I love you, but what you do not know is I keep falling for you, every day, I miss you every day and I don't know how to tell you this but it's been months and you're my number one. "My go-to person, for any day I cry, I scream, I scratch or I stay mute, you're there for me." I giggled "That's what lovers are supposed to do, I am not an avenger but I am just me for you and so should be you. He blushed "I know, I know, I'm better, see..that's why I tell you...sleep with me...when it gets hard alone"
His Beauty
I never get close to guys as usual because I believe in chasing and chasers do win in love. But maybe it was a dream day when I noticed him from a distance.
His long fingers folded his dark denim jacket with a hearthrobbing smile which made me observe his vampire canines (yeah that's rare, I know he's a jackpot now), but what was more important was him looking back at, me and him noticing me,
My heart whispered "Even five years from now, I can say, I will love you holding my hands. I would love to look at your sharp and dark brown eyes. Those light pink lips sipping my favorite coffee and how can I forget the black band that makes your hand look more hotter.
But everything about you is beautiful, what is more beautiful than it is,
Your decent smile while you look and talk with people around you,
Your kind heart that I never fail to notice, your wrecked but sweet voice that sings my favorite Pritam songs,
The way you have with respect, boundaries, passion, and care, I would never...feel this enough, looking at you, the way I feel when I get to know you more and more."
Guess what,
I know what you are now but what I don't know is what you will be if you're with me,
Will you be the constant one or the one who just gets attracted and leaves
Or the one who tries and cries,
Or one who takes the lead,
I know what I will start expecting, it's calmer this way...
To just see you from a distance and praise your beauty.
Lonely Love
He noticed the call and left me saying "Kuch zaroori hai, I need to go," I know what was that "kuch" but just like Naina in YJHD "Nahi bol paayi, bas..nahi bol paayi", I wish in our first meeting I could have been his "Tum zaroori ho" but I also know that would have taken him months, to chase me, stalk me, know me and then ask me out. Yeah, I know "Ab kaun mehnaat karta hain efforts lagane ki, wahi haar baar dal chawal khaane aur banane ki.."
So, I let him go. But the feeling of him leaving me every time became often...more often, and then one day I just felt like becoming the first to leave. Yeah. this void is not right, it can be lonely in love but it's not at all lonely if you're happy in love.
Playing the Motors song - Love and Loneliness, always made me feel it more, when it started with
" When love was all we had, we didn't need distractions all the time or being made to laugh,"
You really don't need someone else, something else to drive your loneliness away, it's just you, yes. But google your heart what are the things you want to do in life, what are the things you would love to experience or know about...there's a lot you still need to know about yourself. So, yeah, love can be lonely but it's not worth it then. And your pretty soul doesn't deserve loneliness.
The Earrings
I never had to long for the word "trust" until I saw how some people strove to present themselves off as someone they are not, made false promises, used phoney language, and acted suspiciously. Declaring they will obey the rules but never really doing so, and this reply hurts the heart.
Many psychological theories and ethical frameworks exist, but none of them will instruct you on maintaining consistency for "mutual bonds or mutual respect." I hope it was taught that way. For me to tell those folks, "Your action is breaking my heart." It resembled the earrings I purchased, with the colors fading over time and the tones remaining. In the end, it's just the structure that's left.