I Want You by My Side
When I say
I want you by my side,
Will you be brave enough to take a chance
and stand beside?
I will save my act of service for you,
I will save all my efforts for you,
I will save my weird self and the cozy
habits for you.
Until I start to like you again and
again.
Like you as my only privilege,
as my only life’s lover,
as my only option,
to make you feel every day that love has
arrived again...
Deep down from my heart,
I know you will say yes,
But while I’m standing in front of this
world
Can you say it out loud?
And make my soul feel the bliss.
I always embrace loving you as my choice
and liking you as a habit,
as if looking at you feels like I have
always lived in this rejoice.
That’s how happy I am with you,
I’ll keep going through limits for you,
Even if the chivalry counts for a few.
I will love you cause my heart knows all
of this is true,
And if you don’t feel the same-we will
come through,
You bring me the meaning I want in life,
even if my throat is slit right by a
knife,
With your presence,
I will feel like I should survive.
I promise to keep trying for you until you start feeling every bit of my breath,
through the skies and the blood red hue
I will scream so loud,
cause: “I want you by my side”
I’m Not Okay to Live Without You
“Aren’t you bored with me?”
I’m spreading love in your life like a
bee,
I kept on asking my heart,
Is this smart?
If
I’m at the right place?
With so much love, but a subtle face.
I kept on asking my heart again,
Where should I begin?
My heart kept denying,
So I chased…
made sure I’m not just relying.
Until my heart responded,
“We never wished to be together...
Cause one never learn how to be together
in love!
Humans just co-exist, and so did we choose!
Yet you and I know, there is a lot to confuse..."
When you left me,
storms in me calmed and repeated...
“We never wished to be together anyway”.
I recalled your moist eyes looking at me,
My heart always wanted to say-
I’m not okay to live without you!
Are we okay on getting back,
even if for a second or a few ?”
And every subtle question to myself made
me realize…
I’m not okay to live without you,
I’m not okay to live without loving you,
I’m not okay without your presence of you…
and
my heart stopped feeling the sense of love
as it only remembers,
How it felt being with you.
I would still believe-
I’m not okay to live without you!
Life Happens(ed)
So life happens
And so did ‘us’ happen
But time taught me that
I’m better off alone,
I’ve learned hoping
I’ve learned detachment,
still, life happened and
I started to believe again..
I believed I would never be this fragile
version of myself again,
I believed I would never be this innocent
version of myself again,
And you do not deserve to see my every
shape,
It’s all past now,
just like a storm
unwinding my egoist drape.
This life where people came and left,
I still believed the things keeping us
away were
the pain we held, the sincerity we missed
the deepness that kissed…
Even if life was changing
I cannot believe it anymore,
that there is ‘we’ known as unconditional.
I’m just left on my own now,
just letting our memories to let me bow,
Just because life happened again for us
And that’s completely okay.
Loving a Stranger
When I fell in love with a stranger,
I survived myself,
I learned to grow,
to show up every day for someone I loved
crossed boundaries, protected, cared
adapted, compromised, and
treated the stranger like one of my
family,
so close, so comfortable,
But I could never believe-
Why was it still difficult for me to
feel?
Why loving someone did not feel like
love-
I kept wondering, kept searching
And my heart said, ‘It’s not love.’
So, I left.
But now,
When I look at you,from a distance
I was a stranger too,
A part of me feels this fear,
this fear, that I might forget you,
I might not feel for you,
this fear, that I might miss you more and
you will not,
this fear of getting attached and
loving you forever
And a strong knock’
What a stranger leaving my life could do
to me?
Because the Rain Never Smelled Like You
The raw senses of mine dripped peace,
craved care and sought joy,
the joy to be with you,
when it’s spring, when it’s summer,
when it’s autumn, when it’s winter…
the peace to feel the rain with you
the peace to feel nature with you,
The memory when the after-rain smelt like
you
My heart never called you back,
But my heart never freed the memories of
us,
Yet every time it rained,
it never smelled like you again,
I fell in love with your memories a
little more…
My mind blew like the wind,
clearing the mosaic shape of the world,
defending our misty memories,
cause my mind knew,
yet after all the pain so far
the rain never smelled like you…
I Might Never be the Same Again
I might never be the same again,
But so would you be,
I’ll learn to move on, you will too,
I’ll learn to keep my feelings to myself
while your memories will still have the
power to make my heart woo.
I will learn to protect myself from
people like you,
You will learn to protect yourself from
people like me,
While you will try to grow around people
like me,
We might learn,
we might fall again,
and
you might win more,
I will still question myself, ‘why?’
Time shall pass, our hearts shall grow
sore,
but every time it aches,
I might never be the same again.
Eventually,
I will grow out of the feeling of missing
you,
the feeling of touching you
the feeling of loving you
enduring the world for you,
I know, I will grow out.
Making it simple,
accepting everything to move on and
realizing,
I might never be the same again,
We might never be the same again,
Fortunately, with this truth,
There is nothing we can gain...
but only pain.
Did you?
If all I carried for you was love
Why did I feel it was not right for us?
Why did I feel that we were not meant to
be?
I never thought all this could be real,
Did you?
Why did I feel that your presence was
somewhere always there
In my fleeting emotions?
Why did I feel that somewhere my soul was inscribed with yours?
Every fleeting second - I wanted you to call me yours,
But,
Did you?
Can I Call You?
Can I call you in my heart?
When I’m vulnerable,
Can I call you in my heart?
When I feel like falling apart,
When I feel like never breathing ever
again?
When everything just submerges like a
vanishing mirage,
Can I look at your visage and
call you in my heart..?
I promise,
I’ll stop..,the second,
The very second when the feeling starts
to stay,
And everything becomes meaningless,
Can I call you then?
Have We Been Through Life Enough?
A fine evening and sharing this cup of
tea with you…
As you bring those lilies for me,
and my heart feels so nervous,
thinking if I know you enough, or
Have we been through life enough?
Is this ‘us’ enough for living the
future?
But you call my name,
And your voice is like medicine-calms my
thoughts.
Your presence is like an assurance to my
heart,
relying on you feels like I can breathe
and lean-
while being away from the harsh world,
While little do I know how you may feel
if today my soul ‘departs’?
So, until one day,
When these feelings sink,
And your heart will ask me the same;
be it on a random ice-rink,
I shall narrate to you :
‘Haven’t we been through life enough?’
I never meant to..
I never meant to hurt someone this close
to me,
I never meant to hurt someone who could
feel my love,
I never meant to hurt someone who could
make me think about love,
I never meant to hurt someone who could
find me in a crowd,
I never meant to hurt someone who cried
nights for me
and counted days-just to see me.
Someone who’d crave just to feel my
presence,
create this sense of happiness
made me believe in this magic about being
with me,
What I craved was simply ‘to be loved’,
‘to be loved more and more’,
Maybe I did things that were not right
for you,
all wanted to confess was-
I never meant to..
Who was I?
I turned back and I cried my hollow heart
out
I could hear the steps of him
approaching,
The heart beat grew stable…
His presence, his breath, felt like a
fable
He hugged me from behind,
The warmth made me sense - who am I?
A warmth that calmed my heart and my soul
also made me believe ‘who I was?’
While the warmth slowly drifted,
My heart realized the fleeting moment-
while loss was happening,
His drifting away was not something
gifted.
His bold, shivery voice echoed in my
veins
- ‘maybe some other time..’
And we cried, he never asked me often
-‘who was I?’
While the skies acknowledged this rhyme,
I believed he knew me,
But in the end, again we came to this
point-
where my heart asked me,
‘Who was I?’
My Wallet
My wallet froze with a silence on our
date,
You understood.
My ego crumbled with the hope that you
would pay.
You did.
I grew frustrated
You understood.
I cried,
You consoled.
You stumbled back.
I realized, and yet I left.
The Glance
My eyes met yours
You looked away, but I stayed.
The two computers between us stood still
And my heart rang
“You’re in my office.”
You stole my glance again,
Without even knowing
You did!
You did it every day.
My existence begged for your breath..
You kept talking to people and people and
people
I waited..
You kept stirring that black coffee until
you’re zoned in
I waited..
You kept writing those random words on
your notebook
I waited…
I waited for you to look at me.
While I wondered what your words and your
love could even do to my heart ?
But then a voice in my head uttered
“Again?”
And my heart rang and I stopped,
“It’s not right, it’s desperation.”
I said I love you
You said you don’t deserve to be loved,
I said I love you,
You said you deserve someone like me,
I said I love you,
You said you had a drowning past,
I said I love you,
You said you feel a lot,
I said I love you,
You walked ahead,
I waited for you to return,
You wanted time,
I waited for you to return,
You said you are not sure,
I said I love you,
You stood while I approached,
You slept while I cried,
You went ahead to explore life while I
drowned in questions,
You came back to be ‘friends’
I said I love you,
You stood.
I left.
Love to be yours in every non-sexual way
I’d love to be yours in every
non-sexual way first,
before I touch your skin with this essence- where flesh shall wrinkle in years,
I’d love to be a part of your
reminiscence,
I’d love to be a part of your memories,
I’d love to be where your heart is
embedded in thoughts of mine,
where every dream of yours might relate
to me,
I’d love to be there for you in every non
sexual way,
While our memories may last, bones may
decay.
I’d want you,
I’d cherish you and fix your mood,
I’d try and try, just to heal your scars
in every non sexual way
Give me a chance,
even if I know I’m all yours
even if we are bound by rings,
even if we are bound by promises,
I want to give you all my heart, until
our body perishes,
I’d still love to be yours in every
non sexual way..
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-Trisha Raha
(Published online,books2read.com -copyrights attached)