It's just the beginning,
Where do you belong?
None cares, dear!
Dear Future Me,
It's just the beginning. you grew up questioning yourself "What do you call home ? ", "Where do your dreams take you?", "Why do you feel so incomplete?", "Why are so calm whenever something's about to be wrong around / with you ?", "What comforts you the most ?", "Where do you feel safe or do you ever feel so?", "What makes you this accepting yet not enough for people?", "What makes you this much adjusting yet not enough ?" , " What is love and family for you?", "Why do you grow/change just with books and films, not with people?"...and a lot of weird questions, believe me!
Growing older is difficult, but you mature sooner when there is a lot going on around you.
You cannot stand weak and count your responsibilities , you are afraid of people, you're afraid to cry, you're too late to catch up with others but you have to, you try to open yourself and lose the ability to express anymore , since you have been stabbed the every single time you tried to rise up.But who cares? You subsequently isolate yourself until you are calm, listening to people criticize you, compliment you, and talk about you rather than listening to you and sticking beside you. You may have known a world at the age of eight that you were supposed to know at the age of eighteen. It's possible that you've traveled so widely that others no longer consider you prior in their lives. And you stupid girl! You anticipate generosity and hope from people. You will absolutely push anything/anyone nice or nearly permanent away by the time you have it. Because you're accustomed to doing it to protect your emotions at the time.
It was the hardest part to accept that somewhere you never belonged, to hear people know your story and call it bullshit, it was hard to change and grow with time and it was harder to know that an unfamiliar environment makes you not-so-normal.None cares, how much more hurt could you possibly feel after all this? How much more can your heart be broken? Everyone you've met up till now has left some scratches on you, so it's not just for one particular individual. At this moment, you have experienced the world of humans enough that you feel you shouldn't talk too much every time cause the person you admire might leave you behind! Due to your skill at keeping your mouth shut, the child inside of you might never have had the chance to speak up and complain.
We need to start accepting the idea that love is something that is created in whatever shape it is but not borrowed from something. Try to accept the concept of respecting others' perspectives. Rather than persevering, one should have optimism that someone whose life has changed repeatedly will do so again. Let's observe where the glass shattered rather than anticipating a broken piece of glass to reflect entirely. How it should have felt and how to repair it? And how it once was?
Selfish human nature never measures how other human looks at things. It never will realize, how much ever you feel the change. From changing cities to changing yourself, from feeling uncomfortable in alien lands to getting used to every new thing you're introduced to. Never feeling the word "HOME", never knowing what a family altogether looks like, it's just like movies to you! Which is why you settle at simple things but dream so big! You might never know what the future has for you but you're helpless and yet calmly waiting for someone's eyes to reach your unsaid expression, waiting for the people to love you, waiting for your loved ones just to be happy...there's a lot to say but nothing will change unless you start to feel yourself and enjoy, even though it's from little things or strangers.