Dear Dadaa,
We haven't met in a long time, and I know you've turned into Bhootnath by now. But I also know how much I missed out on. I haven't been feeling well. I wish there was a last time I could have called to speak late, cry over my broken ice cream cones, and draw strange portraits of you that looked like aliens, but you smiled on whatever it was. I wasn't there long, but I missed your stories every night.
I missed your tiny dramas that inspired me to be a better person. Here I am now, without you alongside me, yet I know how painful it is to be without you. That is something I know now. I recall you asking me every time I returned to you, "Koto bocchor hoye gelo toke dekhini.." and I used to disguise my tears with a smile because I knew what I had back then was more than priceless to me, even if it was only for an hour or a day. It's been difficult without you, but there's nothing I'd rather do than go to you. You used to call upon " Misti, chol aam khaayi.." that voice yet echoes in my heart. I promised you I'd get a better painting for you rather than just top grades every time but everything seems like falling to an end. Where shall I start from where shall I move to. My heart cries every day in search of you knowing that nothing will help but me myself. I cannot paint anymore, I have been willing to tell you this, the trophy - its not worthy of me, I changed. I kept your promises but maybe I have lost myself somewhere in this race of being perfect to everyone in my life. Now it's more than hard to try anything. I have been willing to grieve but maybe, as you said ; "Lekha tomar mon ke bujhaaye , shob bhuleyo ooke chaarbena ..." you knew how much I loved writing but here I am writing to you once in four months, shamelessly, even unable to write like before but now it's no of value when you're not anymore to read this.
Thank you dadaa for being a ray of sunshine, you're my hero , thanks for teaching me to love myself so strongly that I could stand infront of people with my utmost confidence, for being patient with me to learn .But Sorry for not being often to you , for being a nuisance at times, not being able to keep me safe. I'd always carry you in me, for wherever you are. I will love you the same you did.
Love ,
Mishti